Let’s face it. There’s so much dating advice out there it’s not funny.
What to say and what not to say. How to act and when. Do this, and oh my God, never do that!
You can go nuts trying to remember all of it, and it can make what should be a natural and exciting experience too confusing and just not fun anymore.
But you can keep it simple: There is one thing, and one thing only, you have to do on a first date. It’s a question that you must ask, but here’s the catch: It’s not a question you ask your date!
We’re so focused outward; we’re so worried about the impression we’re making and how we’re coming across; about speaking and acting in ways that are pleasing and acceptable, that we forget all about ourselves! So the one question you must ask on a first date is a question you ask of yourself, and it is this:
What is it exactly that I am feeling with this person?
And that’s it. Take a moment, sometime during the dinner, the decaf, or the drink, and ask yourself: Am I feeling comfortable here? Do I feel attracted, a spark between us? Or am I turned off? Am I feeling safe? Or anxious/queasy/ill-at-ease? Am I excited? Or is something telling me I’m less than happy here?
Pay particular attention to uncomfortable, unpleasant, or unwanted feelings or sensations. They may be the most valuable of all. Also, allow for the fact that you may be feeling more than one thing.
This process is called “Making I-Contact”, and it’s much more important than any “eye contact” you may make during your date! The reason? Your feelings are information.
It’s funny, but the answer to the question “What do I need to know about this person I’m sitting across from?!” can best be found on your side of the table! Your gut holds the answer! Therefore, knowing what you feel, positive and negative (and it’s often a mix), towards someone will take you a long way towards knowing how — and whether – to proceed with this person.
For more information from me, Charley Wininger (like further dating advice, or about how to know what you’re feeling, or what to make of the feelings you’re having) contact me now.
The sooner you take action, the better off you’ll be.
To schedule by phone, call or text 718.314.6064.